Walking in God's Love

Yesterday was a B-I-G day for me. I've been waiting to share about the Lord's calling in John 21:15-18, so while I was very nervous to share my calling with the church yesterday, I was also extremely happy in the Lord. Last night, I slept like a baby in my Father's arms:)

When I woke up this morning, I was still a little bit tired. Mondays are always pretty tough on me as I spend the weekends in a whirlwind. But I didn't want to let my physical weakness tie me down, so I said to the Lord, "Speak to me, oh Father, for here I am to listen and bow down humbly in Your presence."

Then the Lord spoke to me through today's devotions: And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. (2John 1: 5-6)

To walk in His love...walking in His love. I let this sink in my heart for a while, and I prayed quietly to my God, "Father, all I seek is to walk in Your love. No matter what happens in my life, oh God, I will stay strong. I will stay focused. As I walk in obedience to Your commands no matter what, and You hold me steadfast in Your love. Lord, all I seek is to walk in Your love! By faith, I walk in Your love!"

Most of my day was okay. Everyone at WSA today was sorta worn out from taking the long test, but I was happy we could have class altogether on Modays. Phonics was fun (Keep it up, Ji Hoon!!), and the presentations just keep getting better and better (Great work, Eunice and Rebekah!). I took care of all my dad's errands fairly smoothly, and most of the provisions for Rota has been taken care of. The lady helping me at the Attorney General's office, Becky, is simply wonderful. Shopping with Rebekah went okay, and I even had time to squeeze in a nap time before I got busy with doing my work. Judy's Flower Shop is running smoothly without my parents or me (since I was sleeping, hehe).

Then at 7:19 PM, the time to test my faith, my walk in love of God came.

My dear friend and partner in Christ Jin Hee called me. She usually doesn't call me during the weekdays and especially at night, but Jin Hee called. I picked up the phone wondering why she had called, and Jin Hee first said "Unnieeeee....(sister, in Korean)" in a weak yet cute voice. In my head, I'm still thinking, "Hmm I guess she forgot to tell me something yesterday." Then came the test.

"Unnie, sorry I didn't tell you earlier...but I'm going to Korea. Tonight."

"What?! Are you that sick!?"
"Yes and no. My parents have been wanting me to come back to Korea soon and I've been thinking about it. Since I haven't been feeling well recently, my mom told me it'd be best if I came home now and return back to Saipan in about a month to get the rest of my things."
".........so you're not going to live here anymore?"
"Umm...no....sorry I didn't tell you earlier!"

Oh, my..........
I knew Jin Hee was never the predictable girl, but what?! How am I supposed to live without my only sidekick at church? How am I supposed to take care of our college youth without my trusted Jin Hee?! Why didn't I sense this the whole time I gave her rides back to her house almost every day?! Who is going to be on my side in times of trouble?! Oh man, Lord.......how am I going to live...........T.T..............

Then Jin Hee went on to tell me about her plans of moving to Japan next week to learn the language and culture. She's always told me about her calling to become a missionary in Japan, but why so soon? Why now? We have so much work to do at church! on Saipan! Who's going to be doing prayer walks at NMC?! Oh man, Lord...........

As I write this, my heart is still in the process of being shattered into a million pieces. Charles is leaving soon. Paul is leaving too. My parents are just waiting for God's OK sign to dedicate themselves as full time missionaries; I highly doubt Jae Hee is ever going to come back. God, are You seriously going to take every single person in my life away from me and leave me deserted on Saipan all by myself? Oh my.........

Devastation.

I need to go pray.

(To be continued...)